Let me just rush RIGHT into that patient's room to see.

A quote from a nurse tonight in reference to a man who was brought in by his mother because he hadn't shit since Christmas:

"Doctor, the patient in room 11 is saving his stool to show you. You will not believe what came out of that man's rectum. There is no way it's going to flush."

Another satisfied customer.









Okay, now that you've appreciated the humor just in what the nurse said alone... there's more:

Let it be known that this man actually came to the ER HAND-CUFFED!! IN POLICE CUSTODY!! with an ECO (emergency custody order) for medical treatment. I saw him cuffed and assumed he was suicidal or homocidal. So my interview went something like this:

"Do you want to hurt yourself?"

"No."

"Do you want to hurt anyone else?"

"No."

"Why did the police bring you to see me today?"

"I haven't pooped since Christmas."

Hand-cuffed for constipation. That's a first. Apparently this man didn't want to see the doctor because he hates enemas, so his mom actually had him dragged in by police so we could have the pleasure of birthing has baby-sized shit. Before you get any ideas, you can't just call the police to drag whoever you want to the ER... this guy has mental retardation and therefore limited insight into his medical condition. It all worked out for him, though. He was as proud as a new papa of those big turds that clogged our toilet. Go fleets enema, go.