Top 10 Chief Complaints (minus 1)

Last night we had an especially "special" bunch of patients come through the ER. In a single shift I had the following chief complaints:
1. "My toe is swallowing."
2. "A spider crawled across my arm earlier today and I want to make sure it didn't bite me."
3. "I had sex with a hitch-hiker and need an STD test."
ALL IN ONE NIGHT!! I kid you not. I couldn't make this stuff up.

This rounds out a list of Top chief complaints that I've been accumulating -- all real patients from my ER:
4. "Feeling Overwhelmed"
5. "Buttock Laceration"
6. "There is stool in my vagina."
7. "Pregnant, Vaginal bleeding & Cramping. Fetus noted in bed pan."
8. "My Cooter Hurts so Bad."
9. "Every time I pee out my peterpecker my peterpecker hurts."

When I get the 10th one I'll let you know...
Stay tuned!